Consulting Marketing BS

Was cold called today by a consulting company. How is this for BS (this is actual text from the website, my annotations in brackets]:

“Our mission is to empower our clients to create a sales and marketing operation at least as good as the best so that they can meet and exceed their revenue plan.

[What the hell do they mean by “at least as good as the best”?]

In practical terms we deal with client issues such as:

Defining the core offers, particularly where there is a high service content

[Figure out where we can bill the client up the wazoo]

Creating valuable customer propositions

[Make an offer you can’t refuse]

Installing an end-to-end sales and marketing process

[Which end? The rear?]

Formal and informal training for professionals and managers

[Your place or mine?]

Coaching individuals for better performance

[We are not amused]

Mentoring managers to exploit the opportunities created

[Exploit is the operative word]

Supplying critical skills on a short-term basis to support change”

[Sending in security staff to get rid of the compentent workers and outsourcing the rest]

To top it all off, they appeared in F**d Company for 3 years running. Just say no.

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